My husband and I had a conversation last night about wives submitting to their husbands. As we have been trying to get our lives in line with God, I've struggled with this concept. I never really understood the reasoning behind this. And since we got married, I am usually the one to make big decisions and guide our daily lives. By our natures, I have the more persistent and high-strung personality, while Josh is more laid-back with a "it will all work out" mentality. Of course, I knew this about him when we got married, but it didn't really bother me. I figured that I would always be the one to pay the bills, decide when we should buy new cars/appliances/etc, take vacations, and other big decisions you make in life. But I've always felt this void inside myself. At my core, I long to be taken care of by my spouse. I get angry sometimes when I feel like he should step up and doesn't. But what I've come to understand is that he probably doesn't know WHEN I want to make the decision and WHEN I want him to step in and decide for our family. After I would get frustrated, I would begrudgingly make the decision. It has been this nasty cycle that has not been good for our marriage.
There is still a part of me that thinks, 'Hey- I am a competent, able woman that can fend for myself. And my decision is usually the right one anyways.' But the thing is, I don't have to do it myself. That's what God designed marriage for. When I look at our personalities, it amazes me how well we complement each other. A year ago, I don't think that Josh would have been able to be the spiritual/financial/life leader of our house. But with all the growing he has done lately, I feel like I'm ready to let my pride go, and submit to God and to my husband, and take my rightful place in my marriage. I don't feel like I'm giving up any power- it's more about taking some of the pressure off myself and trusting that my husband will be faithful to God in making decisions.
In my research about this topic, I read about the correlation the Bible makes between a man and wife and Jesus and the church. The church should submit to the Father and do all things to please Him. I think about my relationship with God. I long to honor Him, obey Him, please Him- and when I do these things, I know that He will protect me and I will receive the many gifts that He pours down on His faithful children. God gave us the ultimate sacrifice. He sent His son to die for all of our sins. Jesus laid His life down for ME! In this same way, I want to honor, obey, and please my husband. And when I do that, I trust that Josh will protect me. I would even go so far to say that he would lay down his life for me. And allowing myself to submit to him will help me in my relationship with God.
I truly believe that this will help our marriage as well. When you recognize and follow your place in life, things seem to go much smoother. There is no questions about what the process is. I will still give my input and advice, but I will trust at the end of the day that Josh will make the decision that is best for our family.
Job update- Still haven't heard a thing. Was thinking about calling this afternoon, but I don't see the point. If it happens, it happens. I was thinking yesterday that this point of view might come across to some people as not caring about what happens. But to me, it's more about SUBMITTING myself (there's that word again) to God and trusting that He will provide me with the resources that I need to help provide for my family and be happy. That doesn't mean that I will sit around and stop filling out applications or actively looking. Before we started this spiritual process, Josh would sit at home and all he would say about looking for a job is, 'God will provide.' This is true- God will provide. But God loves hard work. Dedication. Being honorable. I do not believe that God will place an opportunity in your lap if you never fill out one application or do one job search. That just doesn't make any sense. I feel like working hard and doing all that you can humanly do to get a job is necessary, but there is that point where it is beyond your control. I feel like that is the point that I am at with this job I was waiting to hear about. I prepared all that I could for that interview, and after it was over- that's when I put it in God's hands. If this one wasn't meant to be, then He will provide something else.
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